My Death
I saw myself on the verge of dying last night, well early this morning anyway. Of course I was dreaming but it was still pretty upsetting anyway. I was at work dealing my usual sloppy game of Roulette and everything was fine until I came back from my break. I got back on the table and realised that my hands would not function. They were twisted and stiff. Whether or not this is a reference to arthritis I don't know.
I tried to spin the ball but to a dismal effort as the ball just sunk into one of the numbers without making even half a revolution of the wheel. The dealer that I sent on their break, for some reason, was still standing behind me and took over for me when I broke down and cried. The players didn't care, the heartless pricks. I collapsed onto a nearby closed roulette table and started shaking violently, crying uncontrollably, trying hard as I could to pry my hands open. My supervisor came over to comfort me and try and calm me while the pit boss stood back saying that i'd be alright in a moment.
Is that where i was going to die? At work, dealing Roulette? I don't think so, although the life insurance payout is always greater for work related deaths so at least that's one good thing to come from this.
I looked at my hands that had turned almost transparent so that my bones were visible as a kind of spiderweb pattern through my fingers. I ran out of work and to my mother's old house where my sister and her friend Michelle were living, my dogs close behind jumping over bushes and fences.
I knocked on the loungeroom window with my deformed right club of a hand alerting my sister; her rushing to the front door seeing the pain, seeing me shake uncontrollably. I collapse onto the floor when she opens the door cradelling my head. She tries to call my mother on her phone but my mother is too busy having a good night with her one of her friends that she won't come to help.
I woke my girlfriend up with my crying which i do quite often when I dream. She, in turn, woke me up and I felt like shit. I was shaking after I was awake too.
I tried to spin the ball but to a dismal effort as the ball just sunk into one of the numbers without making even half a revolution of the wheel. The dealer that I sent on their break, for some reason, was still standing behind me and took over for me when I broke down and cried. The players didn't care, the heartless pricks. I collapsed onto a nearby closed roulette table and started shaking violently, crying uncontrollably, trying hard as I could to pry my hands open. My supervisor came over to comfort me and try and calm me while the pit boss stood back saying that i'd be alright in a moment.
Is that where i was going to die? At work, dealing Roulette? I don't think so, although the life insurance payout is always greater for work related deaths so at least that's one good thing to come from this.
I looked at my hands that had turned almost transparent so that my bones were visible as a kind of spiderweb pattern through my fingers. I ran out of work and to my mother's old house where my sister and her friend Michelle were living, my dogs close behind jumping over bushes and fences.
I knocked on the loungeroom window with my deformed right club of a hand alerting my sister; her rushing to the front door seeing the pain, seeing me shake uncontrollably. I collapse onto the floor when she opens the door cradelling my head. She tries to call my mother on her phone but my mother is too busy having a good night with her one of her friends that she won't come to help.
I woke my girlfriend up with my crying which i do quite often when I dream. She, in turn, woke me up and I felt like shit. I was shaking after I was awake too.
posted by drewe mars at 10:25 PM
5 Comments:
jesus... if i had the time i may try to analyse the content of this dream and work it all out..
alas i am no longer a behavioural therapist..
im just a contender for dealer of the year..
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Sounds like you are not happy in your proffession, perhaps it is stiffling your creativity. The theme of dying while doing your job sounds as if you want more out of life. Perhaps you fear ending up where you are now, as if things have not lead in the direction you had hoped.
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